daily day devotional these

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Yesterday was such a day. I�left home early, at 9 am. Went to mexico city, arrived and decided to skip the first part of festival and went to visit some museums. Saw an orchid exposition, wow... I enjoyed looking at them and thinking what they would possibly feel by being so photographed and admired, just like rockstars I�suppose. Then saw a� great photo exhibition:�world press photo. Itapos;s amazing seeing how pictures really tell whatapos;s going on in the whole world. Many pictures that could simply be stills from any journeyman pictures documental. Amazing. Woo the wind is blowing so hard here as I write. I�am a bit battered... My neck hurts a bit from the headbanging at concert.

Anyways, my body got the chills ALL�over body when I saw a picture of Benazir Bhutto... And as I read the description of such photographs my whole body had goosebumps... Amazing. I saw the power of an image, something I hadnapos;t seen and had missed for such a long time.
Then saw an etching exposition and gave me many ideas of what to do later on with this technique, I�enjoyed... It was odd going to that concert alone and I realized:�hey I�donapos;t need to be with someone else at the moment. Then went back to the stadium where festival was taking place. I arrived there at 5 almost... I�ate and enjoyed walking around, looking at all the people- I decided to have fun. I had barely gone out to something like this in a long long time and so I enjoyed gettinginto the crowd and having some fun. Jumping, headbanging, I�felt just like when I was a teenager again. I kept thinking how I felt apos;olderapos; yesterday than probably 5 years ago when I used to get into moshpits and be banging against others lol, I was such a tough girl hehe... But I also enjoy the mellow me that is still able to go a bit nuts in concerts... Though the apos;feelingapos; isnapos;t the same. Itapos;s strange seeing that I didnapos;t feel like I used to, but merely expressed myself along with the music, I danced and flowed jumping up and down etc.

Though what I havenapos;t told you is that when I was heading to see the Flaming Lips live, I�found by apos;casualtyapos; A. He was alone in the moment and so we stood together the whole concert from that moment on. I enjoyed myself with him ouch my right foot is pinching OU lol around the heel. Well maybe itapos;s time to HEAL�this with him. We talked a bit, but mostly I�just enjoy being with him, just being, knowing heapos;s there. I�know we both created this actual apos;casualty0 moment because of wanting to see each other, going alone to that concert so thatapos;s what happened. Later on he found his other friends whom I also had met quite well in past and so it was odd facing them once again, they were all like apos;oh were have you been?�how are you?apos; etc, because I was always with A, all time. So I saw how they were apos;happyapos; to see me once again with him, though well, who knows what they might be thinking. It was weird when they were smoking some weed and wanted to share with me and A said:�nope, marlen doesnapos;t smoke anymore. Lol. Was cool. Being in the concert was also seeing other meapos;s around my age, what they are up to lately. Lol, I laughed a lot yet not in a critical way, but merely over hearing conversations and the way they dress.. What isnapos;t that coool is that they all drink a lot from the moment they get there and taking drugs and basically getting fucked up otherwise they canapos;t apos;enjoyapos; the moment. I enjoyed it thoroughly. It was very cool because I didnapos;t need anything else to really enjoy it.�

Well ... I�probably wanted to just hug A at times but heapos;s always been so apos;contentapos; with himself that Iapos;ve always suppressed me from doing this... Fearing or thinking.. Well.. What would he do, think if I did this. Heapos;s always been so free, maybe thatapos;s why I got so attached to him, wanting to taste his apos;freedomapos; in a way.

Though after chatting with M at the moment, I�see that to really let go is self acceptance, accepting what is here and how I donapos;t have to create a relationship in order to experience it as being apos;more meapos; because I see desires or possesion within this, which isnapos;t cool. I�went to see him, well I was just going to deliver some etching to his mailbox but he was playing and I�didnapos;t want to interrupt but I saw him and he went to open the door and so i got in and got to listen to his music. HOw I�missed listening to him playing his guitar, he obviously still plays, yet in a much lower volume thatapos;s why i didnapos;t get to hear while being at home. Well I�just got some comfort with Mapos;s chat towards this situation, I really was a bit intranquil with all of this compounding. I was explaining how Iapos;ve been wanting to cry or actually cried for the past three days. Lol I mean yesterday I wanted to cry over an orchid lol weird yet, true. Then just my desires, yes actual desier, to meet with A and how I had deemed it as almost apos;impossibleapos; being in such a huge place with thousands of people, yet Itapos;s as I�had been lead to the place where he was lol, was quite funny. He was also content of seeing me there.

Yet this crying situation I�see itapos;s because I havenapos;t allowed me to cry his death within me... I had suppressed this for so long, 7 months today and itapos;s weird how 7 months later I went to his house and experience myself with him again. I see how it was like opening a door I was merely holding from bursting out with water� by actually denying what I felt or what I though and making it seem as it all being ok. It isnapos;t/wasnapos;t so and everything just started pouring out the� moment of facing A again ,meaning:�begin the real facing of points

Another situation is the parent situation as they donapos;t like A at all and they donapos;t want me to be with him at all anymore, so I�cannot openly jus say;�hey iapos;m going to Aapos;s house be back later... Nope , not anymore. They think that Iapos;ve just erased him apos;like thatapos; from my life. HOw could it be so, it takes a certain amount of time to actually do this. It isnapos;t easy, specially with a relationship like that. . . And still it is a burden though, I cannot explain how I just eased myself with words being written, shared. Wow. Great deal.

So it all boils down to merely wanting to hold on to what never really was, to what isnapos;t here and to all that I created within myself as an external experience. I just have to give up to this and Iapos;ll be completely free.

Around this time of the year Iapos;ve always had, every year, certain changes within myself, mostly around oct. 21st... Sometimes it was meeting people, others was like planning a trip. I�donapos;t know really I just know that I�have to enjoy the moment and go releasing all those still existent threads to all that is past related. And to not take seeing A as a new created dependency or desire anymore. Itapos;s just not cool and would be a leap back that isnapos;t really even able to be given, as it doesnapos;t exist

I was explaining m. How I see like some rocks falling off from this cliff that I had secured and denied. Itapos;s weird I�know but I really hadnapos;t cried over him, and I hadnapos;t allow myself to feel that and so in suppressing and denying I�was more in the mind trying to apos;fix itapos; while the real deal wasnapos;t it so

I donapos;t know if you watched this apos;orchid thiefapos; movie Adaptation because meryl streepapos;s role I identified with. Meeting someone that completely makes you go out of your established roles and just fall for someone that shows you how to be so apos;togetherapos; wirh himself by being what he wants to be, doing what he wants to do, etc. Itapos;s quite what I felt with A, admiring and desiring to be with him because of experiencing freedom. Actually we were talking yesterday about the sky and I said how I�havenapos;t been in cholula in a long time... And itapos;s true since I apos;left himapos; and so I�see that Iapos;ve probably apos;missedapos; a lot, more than I�have realized, Though I�know that nothing will ever be the same and here is when I have to come to accept this, this is the apos;real facingapos; the real deal, this just is the way it is and nothingapos;s coming back. Thatapos;s what must be lived and realized.... Stop all desires to be with him and all attempts to apos;recreateapos; what isnapos;t here anymore.

So yes, my fellow mates, itapos;s been quite a tough facing moment for me these days....and I donapos;t want to live in fear of not being able to go out with him because of being apos;prohitibtedapos; for me. THatapos;s another deal that i have to face and letapos;s see how it actually happens and develops.

For now I think this is it. I slept 4 hours and I feel like I�need to sleep more. I�jumped up and down for hours and walked and ran, lol too much physical activity for one day besides waking up at 6 and going to bed at 4
Iapos;m sure Iapos;ll write more on this.

As for now, any comments, suggestions, leave it here with your name on it.... Thanks



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S� er det tid til at skrive lidt her igen...

Jeg har haft en rigtig god uge i vuggestuen. Det har jo v�ret efter�rsferie, s� antallet af b�rn har selvf�lgelig v�ret nogen reduceret. I g�r var der i�hele vuggestuen (2 stuer) kun 11 b�rn, i torsdags 12, osv. Normalt er der omkring 25 i alt. S� der er jo n�rmest mandsopd�kning af b�rnene, for der er jo lige s� meget personale som ellers. S� vi har ekstra hygget, lavet mad, osv. �

Og s� er det et for�ldrepar i vuggestuen der er interesseret i at jeg kunne blive barnepige for deres tvillinger. Det vil jeg selvf�lgelig meget gerne ndash; lidt sorte penge er ikke s�dan at g� og kimse af. S� dem, alts� for�ldrene, skal jeg m�de p� mandag. Jeg tror kun, at jeg har set faren en enkelt gang, da de tvillinger (der er to hold tvillinger i vuggestuen) altid er de f�rste der bliver afleveret og de sidste der bliver hentet (karrieremennesker), og det er ikke s� tit mine vagter ligger p� de tidspunkterhellip;

Jeg er ogs� g�et i gang med processen i at melde mig ud af folkekirken. Folk kender efterh�nden�mine�holdninger til religion, s� det burde ikke komme�som�nogen stor overraskelse. Alt�hykleriet og�intolerancen og diskriminationen�i religion, manglen p�rationalitet og ben�gtelser af den faktuelle�videnskab ndash; alle ting som der findes i ALLE religioner, men specielt dem som har en altkontrollerende og�altbestemmende�"Gud", det�som Bill Maher ville kalde en "Space Daddy*", er�bare ikke noget�jeg kan st� inde for. Derfor er det slut med det. Hvis man skal�kristen, medlem af "Kristendommen", s� skal man�ogs� kunne st� inde for alt det der st�r i�biblen, og n�r man t�nker p� alt det LORT�der st�r i biblen, s�er det ikke sv�rt at sige nej til. �

I n�ste uge er det igen Champions League uge (Matchday 3), s� forvent at mine altid fascinerende observationer fra Matchday 2 er oppe mandag aften, senest tirsdag eftermiddag. Som en slags optakthellip;

Hyg til vi ses igen..

* (Om religi�se pr�sidentkandidater) ldquo;If you believe in Judgement Day, I have to seriously question your judgement. If you believe youapos;re in a long-term relationship with an�old powerful space daddy who will, after you die, party with your ghost forever, you canapos;t have my vote, even for Miss Hawaiian Tropic."

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Iapos;m that strange kind of person that can make a good impression and make people like me, but have no idea any more how to turn THAT into having friends I went to a uni party for the first time in a very long time (felt like I had to considering I have been at that freaking place for so long). Admittedly I was only there for 20mins, so perhaps this is not fair, but seriously... I just donapos;t like them. Not my people. So freaking boring. Just really drunk. Not even having a particularly good time. Dumb. But then I�got home and felt all sorry for myself cos I have no social group of friends. Dumb. But that is mostly by choice after witnessing what I did last night. Iapos;m so over all of you. I never really liked you in the first place. I, for lack of a more modest way to put it, am just better than that.

So this summer hopefully Iapos;ll make some friends. I think I might steal Parks. They seem pretty rad. And hopefully Iapos;ll work out how you go from acquaintances, to actual real life friends. Wish me luck Its dumb being 24 and lonely

On another note I might be able to go back to MAC. That would rule.

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So i needed a haircut really bad because my hair was getting gross. The back was really long and the sides were going over my ears making my head look big. So i went to get a haircut today and it turned out super bad. I am really pissed right now. The guy used a razor blade for pretty much the whole thing and thinned my hair. Now it looks like i am balding and i have random strands of hair that are super long and others that are like an inch short. I would post pictures, but i am too embarrassed. Shit.

while i was walking home i passed by an origami store. Apparently all they sell is origami paper. How can a business stay open when all they sell is origami paper? awhile ago i also passed by a shoelace store. All they sold were different colors and styles of shoelaces. I think this is why the Argentine economy sucks.

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***WARNING, this IS NOT a family show or a family blog. If you cannot get into a PG-13 movie then do not read this blog. The following smidgeons are of sensitive nature and will probably piss most people off, if that is problem then go stick a scolding hot sauntering iron up your buttocks, you have been warned***

�

�

Villain [vil-uhn]:

1.���� a cruelly malicious person who is involved in or devoted to wickedness or crime; scoundrel.

�

2.���� a character in a play, novel, or the like, who constitutes an important evil agency in the plot.

�

�

In todayrsquo;s wrestling world ldquo;Kayfaberdquo; is practically died, or at least John J. Mark thinks it is. You see, fans know things are scripted, and that wrestlers are like actors playing a part. So, you think that people would let things go after a show, right. Not always.

If you are a true Villain you make people hate you, even if everything is out in the air. When fat chicks shed tears over say, Cru Jonesrsquo; actions or comments towards her attire, or some inbred hilljack gets pissed about comments and gestures in the ring by Cru Jones towards his ldquo;Mom Mardquo; and waits around in the parking lot for Cru, then yes, you are a true Villain.�Here is the kicker. Same fat chick shows up the next week with her supposeive boyfriend to get back at Cru for his comments (yes, she wore a different a shirt and her rdquo;boyfriendrdquo; probably knows what half the locker room taste like), but the key is she brought someone with her, so that is another paying fan. The hilljack inbred redneck comes back the next week also with twice as many of his friends and family/lovers, thus more paying fans. Cru Jones is the Villain. People loathe Cru. They come back to vent their displeasure and hope to see Cru get his ass whipped.

�

The world sucks. People work their crap jobs, hating life, irking out each day. Thus when they come to a wrestling show they can let it all hang out, yell at the Bad Guys and tell them what pieces of shit they are, while cheering on the Good Guys to kick the crap out of the Bad Guys. This also works both ways, because in the ring I let everyone know what they are. I am at the controls and know exactly what buttons to push to set people off, thus is why I am the most controversial ldquo;Bad Guyrdquo; out there. Damn being ldquo;coolrdquo; after a show (unless you are an attractive female). I will rob you of your dignity, embarrass you in front of Hundreds (internet numbers) of people, and steal your woman, thus I am the Ultimate Villain.

Go to farhellip;

Gone to farhellip;

Ha There is no such thinghellip;
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Guernica is an epic story of love, destruction and survival set amid the Spanish Civil War. It is the story of two families and three generations intertwined by love, honor and duty. It is the story of Justo Ansotegui, the strongest and most virile man in the village of Guernica. Justo rises from a young hardscrabble existence raising his brothers after the disappearance of his father, becoming a ranch owner and father in his early teens. After a touching courtship and wedding to the beautiful Mariangeles, Justo becomes the father of the spirited and vivacious Miren. Rolling through the years, we are privy to the love and devotion of Justoapos;s family towards each other and their community, including the life and sacrifices of Justoapos;s younger brother, Xabier, a man of the cloth. Here also are the Navarro brothers, both fishermen, who will leave their home to become very different, yet equally honorable men. As Francisco Franco, with assistance from the Germans, begins his takeover of Guernica with the intent of abolishing the Basque people and culture, life in the town become fraught with scarcity, fear and rumors. Each of the people we come to meet must adapt to a life filled with hardships among the menacing influences taking over their town. When the unthinkable happens and the German Luftwaffe bombs the town, life is forever changed and the survivors of the brutal attack must learn to endure and rebuild, gaining strength and shedding their weaknesses with only the help of one another. Peppered within this tale we get a glimpse of the famous painter Picasso and his artistic reaction to the bombing of Guernica, as well as the haunting account of commanding officer Wolfram von Richthofen, one of the men directly responsible for the bombing. Mixing the fictional with the tangible, Guernica tells the tragic story of one of the most terrible events in history, taking the reader on a moving ride of loss and redemption.

This book really started off with a bang. Reading the first section, I found myself curious at the plight of Justo, and wondering what led him to the place he inhabited in the opening of this story. I enjoyed the detail of the family interactions and the concise yet revealing way that the author wove so much of the history of the town and its inhabitants within the story.The many viewpoints and distinct characters made the plot very involving. Some of the best sections in the book were the reflections and reactions involving Xabier, the townapos;s priest and Justoapos;s brother. From his viewpoint I was able to really envision the carnage inflicted on that terrible day and see the heartrending atrocity that was inflicted upon those unfortunate townspeople. The drama of the aftermath wasnapos;t harped upon or made morbid; instead it was explained with subtlety and a depth of feeling that made the characters and their reactions very plausible and human. Though I thought this was a tale well told, the stories told from the perspectives of Picasso and von Richthofen were a bit jarring and not well integrated. I believe that the author had something important to say with the inclusion of these passages, but the voice and message was somewhat dampened by the almost mechanical embedding of these elements. I think it is always hard to add real historical figures into a work that is primarily fiction and have them blend in seamlessly. In this case, I didnapos;t feel that it was very successful. Adding to this, the lack of information regarding the politics of the bombing of Guernica left me with many unanswered questions, and it hampered my understanding of the event. I felt that a little more exposition on the causes and strategies of the war that precluded the bombing would have been helpful to understand the full impact of what happened in the town. For this reason, I felt that the sections regarding the family were more connecting and emotionally charged, while the other parts of the book were a bit less interesting to read.

Although there were components of this story that didnapos;t really work for me, overall I was very moved by this book and thought it was a success. The author mentions in an afterword that the politics had been deliberately left out in order to give the reader an idea of how this bombing would have appeared to the townspeople, who had no idea of why it happened. Looking at it in that framework, this becomes a story of a town and a story of individuals dealing with the unthinkable and the unexpected. As a reader though, I wanted more. I really wanted to understand why this happened and to see the play unfold behind the curtain. But ultimately, I did care for the characters and wonder in what direction in life they were heading, and how they would get there. I got so involved with them, that in the end, I could overlook the difficulties I had with the story, and value my time with them.

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Funniest damn thing I have seen today is the caption for the movie Zombie Strippers, that alone is pretty hilarious.

"Theyapos;ll dance for a fee, but devour you for free."

I donapos;t know why, maybe it was just the fact that it was unexpected and caught me off guard reading it. Seriously though, funny. It also reminds me that I need to snag Planet Terror and watch it with Lou. Any horror movie that I can make Val watch and her cackle is at is something worth viewing with those who appreciate such things.

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I nap too much. Sure, there are times where Iapos;m legitimately tired, but there are far too many times where I am just a little drowsy and bored and just sleep two hours a day away. It seems like I nap everyday. I could be accomplishing a whole lot more, but I just donapos;t.

Granted, I need to exercise. Once you get into the swing of exercising, it really does provide you with excess energy...I do notice the different when I go into my good stretches of working out. I could probably use more iron and vitamin B or something for energy too. But itapos;s about time I stop sleeping and start accomplishing more

After the nap today, that is. (Hey, itapos;s cool and cloudy outside...thatapos;s nap weather)
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So I have this huge, insane idea to ask for help with. I have a good friend who is currently in Penryn, Cornwall. South coast.
Near Falmouth and Truro. She is Canadian. She is away from home right now and that makes her miss her family, her friends and Canadian Thanskgiving.

If any of you are:

A) Nearby enough to make the area a plasuible stop today
B) Interested in helping me spread some joy around the universe
C) Fun loving criminals.
D) Crazy enough to think this could be interesting

PLEASE email at me adampknave @ gmail.com so that together we can save one Canadian this Canadian Thanskgiving.
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